This was our last full day in Chicago and we had so much to see. We decided the best way to accomplish this was to buy a ticket for the double decker bus/trolley experience. It’s a hop on and off tour where you can get off at a number of stops when you want, and then catch the next bus. We had already visited a number of places, so we could just stay on the bus and get off when we found something exciting! Therefore, we had many wonderful, interesting, and strange tour guides.
Our first tour guide, the stand-up comedian, had a lot of energy and jokes. Not all funny. I can imagine that they have to attend “tour guide school” to get all these jokes and facts in order. He picked us up right in front of our hotel. I don’t think I’ve mentioned this before, but we stayed directly across from the NBC building. The former home of Jerry Springer and Jenny Jones, now home to Judge Mathis. Keeping it classy!! We didn’t have to hop off at Navy Pier, since we had already experienced this touristy area. Instead, we were treated to the story of how they reversed the Chicago River to flow backwards to avoid polluting Lake Michigan, Chicago’s water source. All that information just to tell us that they got back at Chicago for polluting their water source by bottling the polluted water and selling it as Budweiser. It only took him 5 minutes to get to the punch line. I think most people tuned out by then. Did you know that Chicago is a play on an Indian term that means "stinking onion." Cause the water smelled. Nice, eh? We got off at the Sear’s Tower, which is no longer the Sear’s Tower. It’s now the Willis Tower. The only way I even remember that is because I heart some Different Strokes. I think they should have called it the Whatcha talking about, Willis…Tower. No one asked me. Anyway, I hate when they change names of things. Chicago has so many tall buildings. It is so hard to tell what is the tallest when you are on the street. They all look tall. Once you get up there, you see just how far up you really are. One of the cool features of the tower is that they have these plexi-glass boxes that are suspended out of the building that you can walk out on. It really is a long way down. You also get to go up to the top in an elevator with 30 of your closest friends. I think they should have a “hands up” policy in the elevator. We were the last two on, or we were until they squeezed two more people on. They literally had to hug each other to get on. You stay extremely still and hope you don’t touch anyone inappropriately. Who needs personal space? After we purchased tickets to Sear’s Tower, we were told that the better place to go is the John Hancock Building because the view is better and you can walk outside. It doesn’t sound as exciting to say you went to the 2
nd tallest building. Might as well go to the top of our hotel and announced we went to the 19
th tallest building in Chicago. It was amazing and they had an ice machine!
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| Really sturdy plastic box |
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| View from the top |
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| View from the bottom |
We hopped back on the tour bus with our 2
nd guide; we will call him the “I can’t believe I’m a tour guide” guide. I loved this guy because he would actually say things like…”That is really cheesy, I can’t believe I said that, but they make us.” He also broke my heart when he showed us where all the discount stores were for all the big name shops on Michigan. I was so sad that we didn’t know about this AND didn’t have time to look. I could care less if the stuff was last season. Lesson learned. We did get off to get pizza from a place we could never find. I will let you know, Google maps is not your friend. We even asked someone, and they led us in the wrong direction. We ended up at a restaurant called Sweet Water. It was good, so no worries. Who cares if we walked two miles out of our way, right? This area is also where most of the theaters are located. Currently, Beauty and the Beast was playing. I did see this on Broadway, so I’m sure it’s fantastic, but we didn’t have time.
Our next tour was the craziest of all. The guide, awkward trivia guy, was a strange, strange fellow. This actually was on a trolley instead of a bus. We went to the West neighborhood. We visited Lincoln Park and the outside of the Lincoln Park Zoo. This is the largest free zoo, but we didn’t go inside. Too expensive! We actually didn’t have time. Lincoln Park is massive and covers such a huge area of Chicago. They had tons of camps playing outside, people riding bikes, and even roller blading. I have to admit, I didn’t realize people still roller bladed. I stand corrected. Moving on. One of the houses we went by was Hugh Hefner’s original Playboy Mansion. This was awkward moment number one of the trip. The guide, who has to be in his 50’s or 60’s, told us a story of when he was little. When he got his haircut, he would sneak and look at the Playboy magazines at the barbershop. He would also sneak and look at his Uncle’s magazines. I’m all up for some personal stories, but let’s think this through. There are kids on the Trolley. Maybe we could tell a story about how you played in Grant Park on the swing set? I took a picture, of course, because I loved those Girls’ Next Door…even if they didn’t live there. Our next stop was Wrigley Field, Home of the Cubs! I was super excited. Not because I heart the Cubs, I’ve never even watched them play. I do, however, LOVE, LOVE, LOVE the old show Perfect Strangers. The Wrigley sign was in the opening credits. I love when Larry and Bailki are running into the game and you can see the Wrigley sign. I saw that sign! I felt I had come full circle. Now, if you really know me, you know I love trivia. I heart some Jeopardy. Our tour guide also loved trivia. The most obscure trivia questions you have ever heard. Ever. Anyone know when they placed the first order for the lights for Wrigley Field? No? Do you know who placed the order? How about the date of when they opened the nature observatory? No? Do you know who lived in the top of this unnamed boarded up building? Still no? Surprising. The tour guide also liked to point out of the former bars that Harry Carey liked to visit on the way home. Now, this is not a question I thought I’d ever have to ask or answer, but any idea how fast a trolley can go? Apparently, about 70 miles an hour! Imagine the shock when we turned and got on the highway. WITH A TROLLEY! I got windburn. I also got off the trolley looking like a hot mess.
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Our next tour was the Chicago Nations tour, or as I like to call it, Walgreens in several languages. I forgot to mention that you couldn’t walk 15 feet in Chicago without running into a Walgreens. I didn’t realize that Chicago was the birthplace of Walgreens. I also didn’t know that Chicago also boasts as the Best of…well…almost everything. It made me giggle. They have the highest rent in the US for stores on Michigan, the most money traded on a street, biggest Catholic population, largest Hispanic population…and about a zillion other things. Everywhere we went, they claimed to be the biggest and the best. (Shhh…don’t tell Texas!) Anyway, back to the nations. Our tour guide, Mr. Easy Like Sunday Morning, was fantastic. He made me giggle. His mantra was: If I stay in my seat, I will be all right. This was extremely important because we are riding in a double decker bus. The train runs above the street and the clearance between your head and the tracks is way too close for comfort. I mean…the whole bus ducks. You can touch the rails when you are driving underneath, so naturally, you duck. It is scary to say the least. A couple of people also died in 2009 because they stood up and didn’t see the underpass. The tour guide asked us nicely to remain seated because he didn’t like talking to the police and he would have to stay late to clean up. I still ducked every time we went under a bridge. Anyway, back to the tour. In Chicago, they have a Chinatown, Little Italy, Oprah Town, and a Greek Town. Yes, it was the tour of nations. I’m not sure about Mexico?? They just had lots of ethnic food. ...and some Starbucks. When I think Italy, I immediately think of Starbucks. The only thing that made me giggle was that each town’s Walgreens had the sign written in the native language. I loved that they changed it up. We also saw Oprah……..on a sign. The studio seemed so much smaller than I imagined. It is empty now and supposedly opening back up for Rosie O’Donnell’s talk show. It was funny that everyone who gave a tour in Chicago had no idea if Oprah even lived there anymore. It is also natural for the tour guide to say watch out for the trees…about 1,000 times per tour. I’d recommend to the city of Chicago, trim your trees!
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| I had to sneak this in.... |
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| Harpo |
Our last tour guide, Ms. Century 21, was a tour guide and realtor. So, I can not only tell you which building is built by a woman and created using computer technology, but I can also tell you how much a 1 or 2 bedroom costs in that building. I was debating on whether or not to put in an offer on Donald Trumps shell of a penthouse in Trump Tower. Thirty million dollars seemed like such a steal! We also visited Millennium Park and the shiny bean. They have tons of kids playing in these fountains there. We also went to see Soldier Field. This is the weirdest looking field ever. It looks like a spaceship landed on the Parthenon. I don’t even know what they were thinking. This was also where the planetarium, aquarium, and museums are located. We didn’t have time to visit, but we hear they are great. Every time I passed by something famous in Chicago, I related it back to something I’d seen on TV. I swear, I every time I passed the Chicago Sun Times, all I could think of was…”I wonder if Josie Geller is in there writing her Never Been Kissed article.” I need to watch less TV.
Molly and I both were quite confident that we could apply to be tour guides after this. We took so many tours, we heard some of the same things about 4 times so it began to stick. All I can say is- Poor Ms. O’Leary and her cow!
We had a fantastic time in Chicago. Thanks for making it fantabulous, Molly!
P.S. For anyone visiting Chicago on the 4th. The 6th of July fireworks @ Navy Pier are much more fantabulous than the 4th of July fireworks.
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